Secrets
by Meva
Summary: Thoughts of one guy early in the morning..


Disclaimer: Okay this is just something to help me from being sued LOL, anyways I do not nor will i ever own any of the characters in the show Enterprise, I like the show and get inspiration so I get no money from this just the enjoyment of making a story :)  
  
Series: Nowhere in particular  
  
Summary: Thoughts of one guy...  
  
Spoilers: None that I know of  
  
Author's Notes: Okay I admit it I'm a Trip/T'Pol Shipper ;-)  
  
SECRETS  
  
What was a guy to do? Torn between two things, it would have probably been easier if those two things didn't happen to be two women. He didn't like being in this position, sure he had been in spots like this before but at least he wasn't stuck on a ship in middle of space with the women before. He had tried to talk to the Captain but he was too busy, something to do with the latest alien race and how they were demanding something stupid. Smiling softly he couldn't help but notice as Jon on most days was complaining about the ridiculous demands of alien races, sighing he leaned back into his chair thoughts still plagued by the affection he felt for two women.  
  
It was his own fault really, no-one asked him to feel the way he did nor did anyone encourage it. Hell one of the women about told him to get away from her most days, sighing he knew he was an idiot. Having feelings about two women he respected, sure one of them got on his nerves most of the time but well deep down he thought she was something special. Groaning as he looked at the time, it was already two in the morning and he had an eight thirty shift. Pushing his hands through his hair he blinked his eyes and muttered,  
  
" Good going Trip, turn ya self into an insomniac. Hell! I thought I learnt to control my hormones when I was a boy, guess when it comes to women, I just can't do it."  
  
Getting to his feet, he walked to his bed before he fell over and landed flat on his face burying his face into the covers. Letting out a deep breath he rolled over onto his back, growling in frustration he muttered under his breath. Slouching over as he sat up, why at this time did his brain decide to think about this now? Moving off his bed he pulled on the standard blue vest and as he hopped slipping on his trainers he wandered the corridors of the very quiet Enterprise. Most sensible people were asleep and enjoying the quiet moments that early morning brought, never got that much of that on a starship. As he looked up his eyes widened as an unusually dishevelled vulcan was heading towards him seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Looking around frantically he sighed as trust his luck there was nowhere to duck out of sight.   
  
T'Pol didn't know why thoughts would keep her up at this time, it was most illogical and frankly annoying. Looking up quickly she inwardly sighed as the object of her irritation met her gaze. Trust the human to be up when she wanted or needed his company less than usual, coming to a stop she said politely,  
  
" Good morning Commander."  
  
Trip attempted a relaxed smile as he replied," Well good morning to ya Sub Commander, have to say I thought I was the only one suffering from insomnia." Trip grimaced as T'Pol raised her eyebrow and all he could do was wait for some kind of logical comeback but frowned as none came," You feeling alright T'Pol?"  
  
" I am in good health Commander, what gave you the impression I was not?"  
  
Trip sighed, there was that Vulcan logic again." Nothing nothing T'Pol forget I said anything, so where you off to?"  
  
T'Pol couldn't help but notice the dark circles under the Commander's eyes, it was obvious he had not slept in a while, breaking off her observations," I was on my way to the messhall in the hopes of finding something to help me sleep." Stopping before she continued," You are welcome to join me if you wish."  
  
Trip smiled and T'Pol forced away the thought of how attractive it seemed to make him," Well T'Pol I would love to, I wonder if chef's cooked up any Pecan pie" he said. Looking up at her smiling "Didnt you once try that Sub Commander?"  
  
" That is correct Commander, I found it to be quite enjoyable."  
  
Trip smiled generously before he opened the door to the messhall," After you Sub Commander."  
  
T'Pol wandered slowly into the dark messhall and then took a seat as she watched as the Commander rummaged in the kitchen. She never could get used to how much noise one human could make and this one was no exception, made even more noise it would seem. Raising her eyebrows as Trip returned with two generous slices of Pecan pie but before she had a chance to say anything he disappeared again and returned with two steaming mugs of something.   
  
Trip seeing the questioning look on T'Pol's face explained," Hot chocolate T'Pol, it cures what ails ya."  
  
" If you insist Commander."  
  
Sighing softly he began to cut into one slice of Pecan pie with his fork, why did she always do that? Knock him down everytime he tried to be friendly. Guess he could forget trying to talk to her about anything, focusing his attention on chewing, trying to enjoy the taste but he could feel those eyes watching.   
  
T'pol lifted a small piece of Pecan pie before she watched the Commander. He was the most confusing of his species she had met so far, he prided himself on his work but on a personal level, it would seem his favourite past time was to argue with her. Most perplexing but the strangest thing of it all was the fact she couldn't help but be intrigued. With most of his species, she treated them politely but kept a safe distance for fear of losing something but with him, she found herself wanting to be closer to him.  
  
" Commander are you well?"  
  
Looking up suddenly, Trip asked," What makes you ask that?"  
  
" You have not spoken for the last few minutes and from past experience I have observed that you enjoy talking."  
  
She knew she had said something wrong as his blue eyes grew angrier and he snapped," Ah for gods sake T'pol, why are you always nitpicking?" Placing his hands on the table he looked at her square in the eye,  
  
" I do not nitpick Commander, I was merely making an observation."  
  
Leaning back he crossed his arms across his chest and T'Pol had to control the direction of her eyes so she didn't stare at the tight spread of the blue vest across his broad shoulders. Trip then remarked," It has been my observation that you tend to observe me more than most, any particular reason?"  
  
Trip smirked slightly as that question seemed to have stopped T'Pol in her tracks, deep down he wished it was because she felt even a little of what he felt for her but he knew she never would. Would be too illogical, and then there was Hoshi. The sweet caring woman who most of the time was a lot warmer than T'Pol ever was.  
  
T'Pol looked up," I have observed all the officers held in high esteem by the Captain and the rest of the crew."  
  
Trip raised an eyebrow before he placed his fork down, getting to his feet he said softly," I hope you get to sleep Sub Commander, I'll see you later today at the Captain's briefing." T'Pol frowned as Trip walked away and left her alone in the mess hall.   
  
***********  
  
Trip sat in his dark quarters, no further along with his thinking. Glancing at the time he sighed as it was now four am in the morning. Shoving a hand through his already dishevelled hair he groaned loudly leaning back into the couch. Staring at the ceiling, he didn't know why he was agonising over this, it was obvious T'Pol felt nothing for him and why in God's name was he obssessing over this? Hearing the tone of his door chime, he rubbed his eyes wondering who that could be.  
  
Getting up he pressed for the door to open and he couldn't help but look surprised as T'Pol stood there," May I come in Commander?"  
  
" Um sure.."  
  
With that she walked in and took a seat on the couch, walking over Trip sat on the other side as far as away as he could from her. T'Pol noticed this and controlled the urge to ask him why, she knew it was probably the end result of their conversation earlier. Not knowing what to say, she sat there in silence.  
  
Trip rolled his eyes," Listen T'Pol, what do you want?"  
  
T'Pol knew it was a perfectly straight forward question but for once in her life, she did not have an answer. Trip looked over at T'Pol and was stunned to see her looking confused," Whats on your mind?"  
  
Looking up she met his blue gaze," I just have a few things on my mind, things I was taught were not worth thinking about and trying to supress them is becoming a difficulty that even I can't seem to overcome."  
  
Trip looked at her curiously," What kinda things?"  
  
" It is of no matter Commander, my reason for coming to see you was to apologise for anything I may of said, that you took offence to." Getting up she turned to leave before she felt a hand grabbed her wrist.  
  
" No T'Pol I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap the way I did, it's just like you I have things on my mind and I shouldn't take them out on you."  
  
" It is okay Commander, I understand."  
  
Trip sighed, how could he tell her that the way he was around her was because he couldn't stop thinking about how desperately he wanted to take her into his arms? Pulling T'Pol to sit beside him he slowly explained,  
  
" I'm gonna lay my cards out on the table alright? You gotta promise me you aren't gonna freak out on me or anything." Seeing her expression he shook his head and continued," I'm dealing with an attraction to certain members of the crew and well the feelings I have are conflicting. I guess what I'm trying to say is.." Looking at her he swallowed deeply," I find two women attractive but only one of them I feel for deeply, the other is just well..hell I don't know."  
  
Watching as Trip pushed a shaking hand through his hair, T'Pol couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy about the women who had caught Trip's eye, who had his heart? Something she knew she never could have, suddenly wanting to be out of the room away from the human she had dared to care about, away from the feeling of loss, she tried to speak up but Trip cut in,  
  
" I mean I know I shouldn't be laying all of this on you but well it involves you to a degree..." Wincing as her eyes widened he hurried to make up for his last sentence," Okay that came out wrong, what I meant to say was well okay this is harder than I thought. I guess what I'm trying to say in a really confusing way is that...the reason why I'm talking to you about it is course it involves you to some degree.." Seeing the look on her face he quickly tried to make up for his last sentence," Sorry that came out wrong, what I meant to say was..." Pausing he looked at her intently," Oh hell you always said I was too impulsive for my own good, so you've only yourself to blame!"  
  
Suddenly he pulled her closer to him gently, pressing his lips to hers and began to kiss her slowly. Hands trailed up to stroke along her eyes slowly, T'Pol didn't know what to think or say. She knew she should be stopping him but she was enjoying it too much, feeling the brush of his lips against hers was something she thought she would only ever imagine. An embrace like this was always something she was told was wrong and never worth experiencing but feeling his nose nuzzle against hers and his warm breath on her skin, sent tingles through her body.  
  
Trip broke off slowly, not expecting one kiss to have such an effect on her. It was even better than he had imagined and to his great surprise she hadn't pushed him away but her hands rested quietly on his chest. Breathing in shaky breaths, he licked his lips sighing as he could still taste her trying to suppress the want to have more.  
  
" Commander..."  
  
Stopping as his fingers were pressed to her lips," I know I shouldn't have but goddamit T'Pol I feel for you, maybe I ought not to but I do...I can't help it. I'll do my best to control it in future, show some of that vulcan restraint you have down to a fine art." Smiling weakly he began to pull away but stopped as T'Pol's hand was on his face.  
  
Looking back at her, his eyes widened as her lips covered his. Her lips teased his before they kissed them deeply. Closing his eyes he entwined his hand in her hair pulling her close as his tongue ran over her lips, feeling the tip of hers just touching his, sliding his fingers along her ears, he could feel her shivering underneath his touch. As her mouth opened he slowly slid his tongue in, gently caressing her tongue, her hands trailing up from his chest to slowly move through his hair, noses touching as their lips almost became one.  
  
Pulling away from one another, Trip smiled before stroking her hair," I was going to say before you cut me off, I have been experiencing similiar feelings in regards to you...Trip but I believed you saw me as nothing but a crewmate."  
  
" Believe me honey, there's nothing crewmate about you. You wouldn't believe how scared I've been to tell you."  
  
T'Pol smiled a little," Fear is a useless emotion Trip unless of course you learn to overcome it and in this instance, I am glad you have." Trip rolled his eyes kissing her lightly," Damn your Vulcan logic." Sliding a finger along her ear," So want to see if we can get some sleep?" T'pol nodded,  
  
" It would probably be wise."  
  
Taking the hand Trip extended to her, she took it and as he laid down in his bed she curled up close to him, feeling his hand touch the back of her neck cuddling her head to his chest." What about the other woman you said you felt for Trip?" T'Pol inquired.  
  
" Shhh Honey, my heart was always with you..I never told the other woman and I'm pretty sure she's hooked on Malcolm but don't let it bother you. You need your sleep Sweetie." T'Pol couldn't help but smile at the affectionate endearments, closing her eyes she drifted off quickly to a deep sleep but before she did she said softly,  
  
" I am glad we talked tonight...thank you for being honest and making me go against all logic, goodnight Trip."  
  
Trip looked down, stroking her hair softly he still couldn't believe this was happening. A couple of hours ago, he was sure she hated his guts but damn he was glad it had all worked out. Kissing the top of her head he rested his head on hers, nuzzling her ever so gently as he drifted off.  
  
THE NEXT DAY .....  
  
How obvious did those two have to be? She never thought she would see any Vulcan especially that one smiling and giggling like a schoolgirl. Why didn't she tell him how she felt when she had the chance? Now she never would, he was with her and there was nothing she could do about it. A horrible feeling of envy and jealousy crept over and she attempted to fight it but watching as T'Pol nuzzled on Trip's ear and him smile and kiss her cheek, was enough to send a girl insane.  
  
" Hoshi you coming?"  
  
Breaking off from watching the happy couple, she faked a smile," Sure Malcolm." Looking back one more time she sighed before following after Malcolm, trying not to think of Trip and T'Pol.  
  
TBC maybe?...  
  
THE END!  
  
Author's notes : K didn't mean for it to be so long but I got inspired and may even make this into a small series, what do you think? :-) 


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